Back to writing?

Probably not. But I just needed to get some things off my damn mind.
Life has been a rollercoaster of emotions for me this year, all because of one person. He's given me the ups and definitely the downs. I don't know if it's right to blame him for misleading me but I can't help but feel that way. I talked to him and cleared things up, confirming that there was never and there will never be anything between us. Even though I know it's the right thing to do, I still regret it so much. I feel like I've lost a best friend, although he reassures me that we still are close friends.
I feel so hurt seeing him getting closer to another girl because it reminds me of how I started getting close to him. I can feel myself dying inside when I see him hanging around her most of the time. I hate that I have to feel this way. Fuck feelings. He tells me the girl won't replace me but how can I trust him when his action and words aren't the same.

I used to be the one you asked for when you need someone to follow you anywhere. You used to wait for me to be ready before heading out. But it's all different now. You said you would never ditch me and I would be more likely to ditch you instead. Look at you now. I don't mean that it's bad that you're making new friends and I blame myself for being too dependent on you.
Even when I'm crying and being sad, you don't care as much as you did. Maybe you're tired of it, I'll never know. You used to pester me until I tell you everything. Now you just let me be. You used to stay awake no matter how tired you are until I was fine. Now you just mumble a few things half-heartedly and go to sleep. You know you've hurt me so badly and deeply, but you don't even care to checkup on me.
You say you haven't changed...but you did, at least to me. Maybe it's a sign for me to leave because I should have done so ages ago.

Nevertheless, I'll still thank you for staying by my side throughout a-levels and giving me the support I needed. At least you made me feel appreciated for quite some time.
I will despise you because of how much you hurt me and how you're just letting me be when you know I'm already hurting so bad. I will never understand why you called me everyday when all I am is a sister to you. I don't blame myself for becoming too dependent because I wouldn't have if you didn't treat me the way you did.

I hope I'll get better soon.
Bye.